I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
