brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
