Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The Olympian is in my bed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
