Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
