whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
