i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
