yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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