I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
