The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
