i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
