I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
