I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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