I wannas sexs uuuuu
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
