This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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