I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
