I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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