Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
