your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
