we have pet lesbian snakes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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