You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
