I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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