Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
