this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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