My brain says no but my pants say off.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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