I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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