i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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