The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
