the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
