so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
