The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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