loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
