my mouth tastes like poor choices
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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