I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
