I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He passed out mid-signature
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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