Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
