hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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