from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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