we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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