Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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