I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
