at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
