I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
