i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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