I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
