That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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