I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
