id be glad to
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
birth control should be required to get into college
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
