I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
