Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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