i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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