just come out here and I will go home with you...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
