I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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