A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
